Simply Disconnect // Week 1

Happy Friday friends! We did it. One week down, three to go.

If you're just joining me, today I'm sharing about my 30 Day Social Media Challenge that we started last week. Read more about it here- and please join us! It's never too late :)

I've been so encouraged and excited by how many of you have joined me in this journey to take back our social media. There have been some wonderful posts shared under our hashtag #simplydisconnect- one friend even challenged her husband to do 40 days of reading the Bible together before bed instead of watching tv. What a worthwhile challenge!

I've had a lot of people respond to this as a "social media fast"- where you completely cut out social media for a month. And while that is definitely an awesome challenge, it's not really what I'm aiming for here. My goal is to use social media during the 30 days- but with limits and intentionality. I want to cut out the aimless scrolling and random creeping (you know we all do it...). It's confusing, but I really think that we can/should retrain ourselves to use SM as it was intended to be used- as a tool to connect with others, not compare/stalk/waste time.

And so far so good.

Here are a few things that happened during one week of intentional social media use:

1// I was bored. This one shocked me after the first few days. I realized that when I didn't have anything better to do, I automatically reach for my phone to fill the time. I'm learning that it's ok to be bored- some of my best writing has come out of times when I'm "bored". I'm challenging myself to fill those spaces with things that matter- a game with E, writing in my journal, reading a book...something other than hopping on Facebook or Insta.

2// I was super productive. You guys, I somehow managed to keep two children alive, cook multiple meals, clean the house, get ahead on blog posts and other articles and do other normal life things all without the help of my phone. With all this new found downtime, I may take up a new hobby. Any suggestions? I'm thinking maybe wine tasting? ;)

3// I had "withdrawals". As with any addiction, there is a withdrawal period. Like most of us, I have this weird need to keep up with everyone on my Instagram feed and everyone I'm friends with on Facebook. I don't want to miss anything. Breaking that was hard. I've had to tell myself that I'll miss somethings and that's ok- people are living their lives and I'm busy living mine.

4// I made connections. During the times I posted on social media- which happened quite often actually, I was really intentional about connecting with the people who liked/commented on my posts and adding something of value to their feed or comment. I know that social media has the potential to form amazing relationships and connections, especially in the blogging world, and being intentional is the easiest way to form those relationships.

This week's challenge was to connect with someone over coffee- not a hypothetical/online coffee date, because I'm pretty sure that's a thing, but in a "real life", face-to-face, sit down and talk kind of way. Because I'm really original and because we haven't had a date since Mara was born, I decided to take my man out for Qdoba (because we're classy) and coffee. It was a great (baby free!) time of connection. We talked about plans for our future, goals, jobs, school and encouraged each other to be content with where we're at now. It was definitely a needed moment- it's easy to let the opportunities to connect with your spouse slip by in the bustle of everyday.

Here are a few cheesy photos, in case you needed proof:

See how happy and connected we look? ;)

How did your coffee dates go?! Whether you did my challenge for the week or tweaked it- I want to hear about it! Tell me about it in the comments below, write a post about it or use our hashtag (#simplydisconnect) to share. Seriously- I want to see.

Good luck with week number two, friends. Our challenge for the week is to write and actual letter to someone and send it the old fashioned way. I'm really excited about this one, because hand written letters are some of my very favorite things.

Happy weekend, loves.

Simply,

Liv

Growing Up Together: 6 Tips for Young Couples // A Guest Post

Today's post is the last of my guest posts scheduled for the month. I hope you've loved hearing from them as much as I have! You can read Julie's post on summer date ideas here, and Natasha's post here to learn how to make some super cute summertime placemats. 

This post is extra special because I'm introducing you all to my sister-in-law Rachael! She and my little brother Sam celebrated their first anniversary on the 12th and so I asked if Rach would be willing to share a few things she's learned as a young wife. 

I can relate so much to the tips she is sharing and I know you all will too. Be sure to check out more of her heart-felt, beautiful words on her blog here.

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People getting to know me are often surprised to hear that I am already married.

"Wow! You look so young!"

"I thought you were like... 17 or something."

I even had one girl tell me, "You're too pretty to be married." :) Well... okay. (I guess people are supposed to grow uglier after they've said their vows?) I really don't feel like I was married "super young", though I probably was. To be fair, I never thought I'd be married so soon--though I didn't see myself finding Mr. Right late in life either. Life just worked out that way for me, I guess.

 It's kinda trending in my circle of friends to get married young right now. I'm excited for them, and I support them wholeheartedly with their decision to tie the knot. I remember having conversations with Sam about how long we should wait before we got married. Sam told me that he had always thought he'd wait until he was at least 20 to get married. We set a prospective 2-3 year wait on ourselves since we started dating when he was 17 and I was 18. As we grew closer, we felt that it was more important to live a pure life and honor God with our relationship rather than to wait and make poor choices because "we weren't old enough to get married". So, on July 12, 2014 we were married on a perfect Summer day--7 months before Sam's 20th birthday.

 Though I support young marriage, I won't pretend that it is always easy. There were a lot of things I wish I knew before getting married that have been hard lessons to swallow. What's ironic is that some of these things I already knew! Or thought I did. It's amazing how living with another person brings out all the crazy, messy, and often ugly things out to the light.

Though I don't claim to be an expert on marriage by any means (far, far from it) there are a few things I would suggest to young couples who are married, or thinking about getting married soon, that I have learned and found helpful in our own relationship. 

So here we go.

1// Things are almost always different than you expect.

Something that really blindsided me when we got married was just how different my expectations were from reality. After Sam proposed, I remember going home and almost existing in a state of dull numbness and shock. I was happy, yes--very happy that he had actually asked, but I wasn't bursting with all the bubbly, over-excited feelings that I thought I should be having. I grew a little frustrated with myself because I didn't feel the way one should feel after being engaged. This feeling of expectation traveled with me even through the wedding ceremony, after our first kiss, and up until now. I still don't know if I should feel any different after being married to my best friend for a year. The movies always make the scene where the bride walks down the aisle look glamorous and like it's the moment she's been living for her whole life. I have always been happy that I am Sam's bride, but the actual wedding day sprinted past and left me wondering if there was something wrong with me for feeling--or not feeling--the way I thought I should.

What I came to realize after all of this is that instead of growing frustrated with how I thought things should be, I should instead learn to love things for the way they are. Maybe things aren't always as memorable, flashy, or fulfilling as I thought. Instead of feeling like I'm missing out, perhaps I can move past that and learn to savor each moment for being a great real moment instead of the fantasy I dreamed up.

 2// Communication is essential.

Yeah, they always say this during your pre-marital classes, but I never realized how much it really comes into effect until I had to share my everyday with someone who thinks really different from me. I often feel sorry for Sam because he has to deal with an emotional, indecisive, woman who thinks he should already get some things by now. We struggled a lot while we were dating with my difficulty with speaking my thoughts and feelings. I'm one of those people that doesn't like to hurt people's feelings or deal with conflict, so it was really a stretch for me to tell Sam everything. I have a hard time identifying with women who say that their men don't ever talk or share their feelings with them because my experience has been just the opposite. Sam shared everything with me and I've had to learn how to be more honest with him.

Sam has repeatedly told me that if I don't tell him something, he's not going to know it himself. So at those times that I got mad at him for not helping me out with the chores, he didn't know that his actions were hurting me because I didn't make it clear. It's tempting for me to assume that men are just more dense toward certain issues, but I know that for myself, I have a bad habit of beating around the bush when I want something. Being more attuned to his wife's needs and hints is something that the guy won't know right away. He'll have to work on it and learn over time, but he really needs his wife to be more straightforward with him as well.

3// Be patient with changes.

This one goes along with point 2. When your spouse is learning to be a better mate, try not to get on them for the slow process that it takes for them to change. Sometimes the very things that you'll be asking them to change will be habits and actions that are just a normal part of life to them. They may have lived with some of these habits since they were children and they won't be able to just change overnight. Sometimes your husband or wife may have some struggles in their life that hurt you. When they come to a point where they want to change those things, be sure that you recognize their efforts and growth from where they came from. Be sure that they know that you are standing beside them in their fight to better themselves and that you will be their biggest supporter and cheerleader. They'll appreciate knowing that you are on their side more than your complaints and nagging over their failures.

4// Spend time to get to know them.

This is true both before and after you are married. The thing most people worry about for young couples is that they're rushing into their decision to get married without fully realizing what their getting in to. I do encourage young couples to spend time getting to know each other's character more than just their interests and physical attractiveness.

My husband and I waited to share our first kiss at the altar. Though this isn't what we expect for everyone's relationship, we felt that it was something special we would do that we would share only for the one we got married to. Because we waited to do this we felt that we really got to know each other's character and personality more.

It is common in our culture today to think that in order to really know if someone is a right fit for you, you have to "try them out". My philosophy is that you can always get to know those things after you're married, but you can't take them back after you find out that their character doesn't work with yours. When dating, I feel that it is best to spend a lot of time doing "friend things" together to find out if this person is the one you want to be with for the rest of your life. And after you tie the knot, don't neglect spending time together on those "friend things"--be sure to make time in your busy schedules to go on dates with your spouse. 

5// Have an unlimited supply of forgiveness.

I hate that phrase, "loving means never having to say you're sorry," because it couldn't be farther from the truth. I'm actually convinced that telling your spouse that you're sorry is one of the most loving things you can say to them sometimes. You'll have plenty of opportunities to say it and so will they. Living in a broken world, we will all have our bad days, (or bad weeks). This imperfect human you're living with will make mistakes and hurt you deeper than anyone else can. It is important to be quick to forgive and not allow chance for bitterness to grow roots. Sometimes your guy or gal will make the same mistake multiple times within the same day, but you'll want to work it out and forgive them again.

6// Grow together.

You are both a team. Being young has its advantages. You get to have the chance to grow up and learn valuable life lessons together, where people who meet later in life have already set themselves in a certain direction. You don't have to have everything settled or figured out. You'll figure those things out together. You'll go through your scary first apartment, or having one of you work full-time while the other is in college. All these experiences will grow you closer together as a couple. They are hard things to go through, frustrating at times, but they help you grow up as one.

Your willingness to serve your spouse will help you both make it in this scary adult world. :) Sometimes I had to realize that things were not all about me (No, duh!). Sometimes I have to make sacrifices and focus on doing what's best for both of us and not just what I want to do. This is all part of growing up with my husband, and I am still learning all of these things everyday.

As I look back on one year of marriage behind us, I am so thankful for all the things we've already grown in and for all the years and adventures to come.

10 Free (or really cheap) Date Ideas

If your relationship is anything like ours, the main thing stopping date night from happening is (surprise, surprise) money. Going to dinner and a movie once a week (or even once a month) adds up, and our tendency is to skip date night all together in an effort to save money. AJ and I are definitely guilty of postponing or just flat out cancelling dates simply because our budget is too tight, or we spent the money elsewhere. However, while we are saving our dollars, we are simultaneously straining our marriage. Time alone is VITAL for any healthy relationship. Whether you have kids or not, it's so important to make dates a priority.

This post is as much for my benefit as anyone elses- I've witnessed firsthand how even a few hours alone can revive your connection.

So, in hopes that "date night" will once again become a regular staple in our marriage, I've been brainstorming some free (or *very* cheap) options for outings we can take together, sans children. Hopefully they give you some good ideas too!

1. Have a picnic: this one is fun because it can be super versatile. You can pack an easy dinner, drive out to a park or river, throw down a blanket and eat- or you can go the fancy route- candles, wine, a string quartet...you know the drill.

2. Go antiquing/thrifting: AJ and I might just be very gracefully aging 78-year-olds, but antiques are some of our favorite things. We love searching thrift stores or antique shops for unique finds, imagining what amazing stories are behind each item. Even if you don't buy anything, it always feels like time well spent.

3. Have an at-home movie night: even though this is basically every night at our house, setting aside a specific night for a kid-free snuggle session on the couch with popcorn and a movie can be just as fun and much cheaper than going to a theater.

4. Hit range balls together: If you're with an avid golfer, like I am, this will earn you major brownie points. A guy will never turn down an opportunity to watch his wife "try" to do something he loves to do. It might be worth the embarrassment (if your golf swing is anything like mine).

5. Find a fun DIY project to do together: I know, I know, you could technically fit "working on the house" into this category- but that takes the romance out of it. Choose a project that you can hang on your bedroom wall, or something for your yard. Paint some furniture. Personalizing your home together will automatically bring you together.

6. Cook an adventurous meal: Is there something you've both been wanting to try? A restaurant you've been eyeing? Pick a few things from the menu and try making it together. Pinterest is a great resource for finding unique, doable recipes.

7. Volunteer your time: spend the evening at your local homeless shelter or soup kitchen. Nothing brings two people together more like serving someone else.

8. Train for a 10k or fitness goal together: because what guy doesn't want to watch his wife work out?

9. Have a backyard cookout: grill some burgers, have a few drinks, sit around the fire pit. Sounds like a perfect night to me.

10. Get out of your comfort zone together: is there a class you've both been wanting to try? Go do it. Aj and I are both terrible dancers, but we would love to learn. Couples who are embarrassed together, stay together.


I hope this gave you some fun inspiration! I'm excited to try them out myself.

What are some dates you'd add to the list? I'm always looking for ways to spice up our typical date nights.


Happy Monday, friends!

Simply,

Liv

10 Things My First Year of Marriage Taught Me

Is it just me or has it been an absolutely crazy week? I'm almost glad that it's over- I'm ready to turn the page into a fresh new one. However, this week did bring some exciting things that I cant wait to share with you all! Stay tuned for some exciting news :)

(Also, my site is a little bit "under construction" at the moment, so I apologize that the menu bar up top isn't working properly...We are working on getting it just right!)

In my endless quest for blog post topic, I've been continually reminded that I post plenty about my baby and being a mama, but I don't write enough about my relationship with AJ and things I've learned since entering in to this crazy thing we call marriage. I want to change that. Relationships (whether dating, engagement or marriage) are something we all experience at some point or another. Navigating life with another person is hard, to say the least, and I want to be as transparent and genuine about that as I am about being a mom or my incessant love of coffee.

So...to start things off, I thought I'd share 10 things-some pretty obvious, some I've had to learn 100's of times- I've learned in my year (and a half) of being married to my handsome man. It's not an exhaustive list, but rather the top things that popped to my mind when I was asking myself what I WISH I would have known at the beginning. Also, AJ can tell you that I mess up on probably every single one of these every single day. But that's the beauty of marriage- you get a whole lifetime to work on it ;)

1. Don't get hung up on non-essentials: This one is HARD for me. Marriage is the union of two completely different people who spent their lives doing things the way they were used to doing them- until they got married. Now, even the way you fold towels or put the toilet paper roll on or make sandwiches is different. It can seem like you're not even "compatible" (whatever that means...) at times just because the list of things you wish the other person did differently gets so long. I've learned to just let most of it go. Who cares if AJ folds clothes differently. At least it's getting done. Ask yourself, "is this REALLY important?" before you get angry about it. Chances are, it's not.

2. Don't have unrealistic expectations: I found that I usually expect way, way too much of AJ. I entered into our relationship expecting AJ to basically fulfill me and when I found out that he couldn't- he's a person, Olivia, not some ideal you've constructed in your head- I didn't think we could work out. In my naivete, I thought getting married would fix every problem in my life. My problems are still here though, I just have someone by my side to help fix them.

3. Forgive for real: Once I got over seeing my husband as an "ideal", I learned that he was human. Shocking, right? And humans make mistakes. We've both had to forgive each other for things every day. Holding on to past mistakes, no matter how big or small, only drives you apart. Forgiveness, real forgiveness, means giving your spouse a clean slate.

4. I am not number one: Learning to put yourself second is hard. But it is essential for any relationship to work. When I look to AJ only to meet my needs, instead of asking how I can meet his too, I drain him without giving anything in return. Marriage is a continual giving of yourself to another person- who in turn, continually gives to you. If it's a one sided giving, one person naturally gets burned out.

5. The small things are what count: In the movies, we are shown grand gestures of what marriage is. Huge proposals, dramatic fights, passionate sex scenes, slow-dancing and candlelit dinners. Don't get me wrong- marriage is that at times- but not ALL the time. It's the day in, day out, going to work, making dinner, taking out the trash and giving each other quick kisses on your way out the door that real marriages are made of. Honestly, the times I appreciate and love AJ the most are when he gets up with Evie at 5:30 am just so I can sleep longer. Or when he brings me lunch when I'm at work, just to spend time with me. Or when he texts me "I love you" during his lunch break.

6. Have time apart: Before I got married, I truly expected us to do EVERYTHING together. But I quickly learned that without short times apart to refuel and be alone, we quickly burnt out. Who ever said "absence makes the heart grow fonder" for the first time...it was Shakespeare probably....was a genius. Being married doesn't mean you can't have a girl's night, or time to grab a beer with the guys after work. It just means you better be home before midnight ;)

7. Say "thank you". A lot. : I learned very quickly that when I didn't feel appreciated, or when I wasn't showing AJ how much I appreciate him, things unravel quickly. It can be as simple as saying, "thank you for working so hard for us, babe" or "I really appreciate it when you take the trash out". Nothing fancy. But trust me, it works wonders.

8. Say "I'm sorry" more: Sometimes all it takes to stop a fight in its tracks is admitting that you were wrong. Don't expect an apology in return, just own your side and move on.

9. Say "I love you" the most: It seems obvious, but just saying those little words is probably the healthiest thing I can do for my marriage. It reminds me of why I'm married in the first place, and that we have something to fight for. And plus, I get little butterflies every time he says it back.

When I was preparing to write this, I asked AJ what he thought should make the list. Of course, he gave the most profound advice. I could have summed up all of my points with this one.

10. The wife is always right: See what a great guy I have? ;)

What would you add to the list? What are some unexpected lessons marriage has taught you??

 *All photos taken by Amy at A Moment Photography*